Failure

This is not one of my best but still posting it because I wrote it. It's about a sad man (a very very sad man), but not about me.

I had once looked down a cliff
to the rugged rocky bottom
The vertigo overpowering me, preventing me
to take a step closer to the edge.
I have looked upon speeding cars
as messengers of death, but
My muscles restrain me, control me,
like a puppet I cross the road.
Now here I sit in my room, alone,
spent, ostracized, my mind clear.
I sit with my wrist bare
and in my other hand a blade,
I draw the blade closer, mentally
marking the spot, touching, but not pressing;
I think...of all that has been and all
that is not in my memory left -
My life has been a chain of frustrated events
interlinked by my failures.
Failed I have in everything, and failed
I have myself, my pride, my life.
I like to think myself the reason
to all my failures, makes me feel
Braver to open up my wrist
slowly, painfully; I will not cry.
I think...with no family to leave behind
there is no one who would cry
My absence from the world unnoticed,
I would fade away in time.
Too much thought flows
too much time wasted
Are there any last wishes? I ask
Yes. To end the punishment of existence.
I grimace, grip harder
the moment of truth
My muscles restrain like steel chains
some force overpowers my determination.
Not a drop of blood flows
no pain, and my life slips not away
The unknown force, the force of life
to see each day, day after day
Through the drag and the grime
of worldly displeasures.
I fail even in my last endeavour
I am a complete failure.